My Fault
by Ziva8912
Summary: Tony can't get over how things were left with Ziva.
1. Prologue

Title: My Fault

Disclaimer: I did not create nor do I own the characters of NCIS.

Summary: Tony can't get over how things were left with Ziva.

A/N: Let me know what you think. Suggestions are welcome and I always take them into consideration for use in my story. Happy reading 

Prologue

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo no longer felt like he was that very special agent he had commonly introduced himself as. He knew for a fact that he was not special as he stared down at a picture he held in his trembling hand of himself and his partner Ziva David. How could he be special if he had not been able to prevent Ziva from staying behind in Israel? He knew it was his fault that she had stayed behind. Everything he had done when he had thought he was protecting her was only fueling the fire for Ziva to believe that he could not be trusted. He had killed Michael, the man that Ziva had loved, because he had thought it had been the right thing to do. But now he was no longer so certain. So many scenarios of how that night could have gone played through his mind. After Abby had told him that the computer that the terrorist had used had been online at Ziva's apartment he had wanted to protect her. He had wanted to get the answers out of her before anyone else had found out about the link. Except when he had gone to her apartment it had been Michael that came to the door and not Ziva. It was then he assumed that it had been Michael that was connected with the terrorist cell and not Ziva. The fight had been an accident. He had not wanted to fight the man, but if it meant protecting Ziva he would have had that fight all over again. Though he wished he could have ended it differently. He replayed the fight in his mind many times since it had happened and now he realized he should have shot Michael in the leg or in the arm. Ziva had been right when she had said there had been another way to take down Michael safely.

Tony would have given anything to get another chance to apologize. But instead he had wasted all those opportunities he had been given in not only America, but in Israel as well. She had him pinned to the ground with a gun jammed against his chest. He could have said something then. He could have said something anytime they were there. But now he had let his pride get in the way of his feelings. If it were not for him she would have come back with them to the States. She would not have left NCIS. If she had been able to trust Tony she would not have stayed. Gibbs told Tony it was not his fault, but Tony knew it was. He had heard the request that she had made to Gibbs before they were all on the carrier. She had made him choose between her and him. Tony wished Gibbs would have chosen her. At least then, even though he was at a different unit, he would know she was alright. But now it was unclear whether she was safe or not. She had disappeared two days ago after going on an undercover operation for her father. Tony had figured it was the same undercover operation that Michael had been on. He would not have even known about her disappearance if it had not been for over hearing Gibbs and Abby talking about it.

Tony placed the photograph on his desk. He had come into work an hour early just so he could stare into space and think about his old partner. He looked up from his cluttered desk and across to the desk Ziva had sat. It seemed like yesterday that she was sitting across from him and he had been teasingly throwing paper balls at her. It had annoyed her, but that never stopped Ziva from smiling in his direction. Tony could not help but hate himself for screwing everything up. He did not just screw it up for him, but for the team as well. He knew that Vance was going to make Gibbs choose a new team member from a stack of probies because Ziva was gone.

"Tony?" Tony heard McGee say as he passed his desk, "You're early today."

Tony looked over at McGee and knew that he was shocked to see Tony in so early. Sure Tony had gotten into work before others before, but he had never beaten McGee or Gibbs into work.

"Just getting an early start," Tony lied as he faked a grin, "I had a lot of paper work to catch up on."

McGee looked at him as if he was unsure whether or not Tony was telling the truth, but did not say anything. Sure Tony had not been cleared for active duty yet and hadn't been into work for almost a week, but he hoped McGee wouldn't point any of that out. He just nodded and began working on his computer without another glance over. Tony let out a breath of relief that he had not realized he had been holding. Tony glanced once more at Ziva's old desk. All of her things were still there exactly where she had left them. However, Tony figured it would be minus a few things because he was sure each of the team had taken something off her desk to remember her by. They had done the same thing to him when they thought he had been blown up when his car had been bombed. Tony had not taken anything like the rest of his team. He didn't think he deserved anything because it had been him that drove her away. The only thing he had left of her was a picture of the two of them that had been taken on Christmas even when they had been forced to work a case. Just then the elevator door opened with the sound of the bell. A part of Tony wished it would have been Ziva that stepped off that elevator and had come in telling everyone it had all been a joke. But when a young women stepped into the squad room he knew his heart had sank a little lower.

"May I help you?" McGee asked the women when Tony had not said anything to the women.

"I'm looking for Special Agent Gibbs," the women replied.

Tony wondered if this woman had been picked to replace Ziva. He couldn't help but compare the woman to Ziva. He knew this woman whoever she was could never live up to the expectations that he would set before her. No one, in DiNozzo's mind, could replace Ziva. Maybe it was a good thing he was not the team leader. He probably would have left the spot vacant for as long as he could hoping that Ziva would come back to them.

"Gibbs isn't in yet," McGee told her as he got up from his desk and walked over t over to her, "Is there something I could help you with? I'm Special Agent Timothy McGee."

"Director Vance told me to report to him at 0800 hours," The women replied, "I'm Special Agent Emma Jenkins."

"Well I'm sure Gibbs will be in soon," McGee told her, "Just take a seat while you wait."

Emma made a move to go sit at Ziva's old desk and for a split second Tony did not know what to do. It was a free desk after all, but to him that would always be Ziva's desk.

"Not there," Tony snapped finally speaking to the new girl.

Emma glanced at him before she moved to sit at an empty desk across from McGee. Tony ignored both her stares and McGee's stares after his outburst about Ziva's desk. He knew he needed to get out of there and away from their questioning eyes. Without warning he pushed the picture of him and Ziva into his pocket got up and practically ran over to the elevator. He didn't realize where he was walking until he had ended up in Abby's lab. The door was open but he didn't see Abby anywhere. He went inside and took Bert off her desk. He lay down in front of the fridge that held the evidence that could had to be refrigerated. It was a spot he had commonly found himself laying after a long case when he wanted to hide from Gibbs. It had only worked some of the time. He took the picture out of his pocket and continued staring at it.

"Tony?" Abby's voice came from above him.

Tony looked up and knew that Abby was concerned for him. Ever since Ziva had been left behind in Israel she had been visiting Tony more at his apartment to make sure he ate or wasn't lonely.

"I really miss her Abs," Tony told her.

Abby kneeled down beside Tony and pulled him into a hug. She didn't know what to do for the struggling man before her. She knew the only thing that would cure him was finding Ziva and bringing her home. But she knew that would not be able to do that for him. So instead she just held him in her arms hoping to take some of the pain away.

"There's someone upstairs waiting to take her place," Tony told her, "I don't think I'll be able to handle seeing that woman sitting at Ziva's desk."

"Then I'll make sure she never sits there," Abby told him as she pulled Tony to his feet, "Gibbs can't say no to me."

Tony nodded and wordlessly followed Abby as she dragged him back to the squad room. Before the elevator opened onto the squad room floor he turned to Abby.

"Thanks Abs," Tony told her.

"Anytime Tony," Abby replied with a smile.

When they got back to the squad room Gibbs was already there talking with Emily. While Tony took his seat at his desk Abby marched right up to Gibbs.

"If you give up Ziva's desk I'll never speak to you again," Abby told him.

Gibbs didn't seem to be shocked by Abby's outburst. Tony started at his expression and it seem like he had been waiting for someone to say something about Ziva's desk. Tony watched as Gibbs glanced over at Ziva's desk out of the corner of his eye.

"Don't worry Abs," Gibbs told her, "No one is taking Ziva's desk."

Tony sighed with relief. After Abby thanked Gibbs she headed back to her lab. Before she left Abby sent a smile towards Tony and he returned it. It was the first semi genuine smile that had graced his lips since Ziva had left and Abby knew it. Out of the corner of Tony's eye he caught Gibbs looking at him knowingly. Tony could only hope that he wouldn't bring it up.


	2. Chapter One

A/N: I guess my sleepless night is your gain. Here's another chapter for all of you. I hope you enjoy and if you would be so kind of reviewing and feeding my addiction to reviews. 

Chapter One

The day was almost over and Tony had single handedly managed to avoid speaking to the new girl at all costs. He had made it extremely clear as he glared down at his papers that he did not want to speak to anyone except the bubbly gothic forensic scientist that would visit occasionally. He was shocked that Gibbs had kept his distance and had let Tony focus on his paperwork instead of bothering him for the way he was treating the rest of the team, specially the new girl. He glanced at Tim out of the corner of his eye who seemed to be surprised that Tony had yet to call Emily Probie as he had done when Tim had joined the team. Tim looked up from his own paper work and Tony diverted his eyes back to his own paper work and off of Tim hoping he had not been caught staring. He was so focused on the paper work that he had not noticed the reason Tim had looked up was because Emily had abandoned her desk to stand in front of Tony's.

"Did I offend you somehow?" Emily demanded.

Tony looked up from his paperwork; a surprised expression graced his face. He noticed out of the corner of his eye the reason for Emily being so bold. Gibbs had abandoned his desk and had probably gone up to speak to the director. He knew that if Gibbs had never left his desk then Emily would never have dared to approach him. Tony stared at her for a moment longer before turning his attention back to his paperwork.

"Do I need to repeat myself?" Emily asked, her voice barely containing the anger in her voice.

Tony glared at Emily wishing she would just leave him alone. Couldn't she understand that you couldn't get along with everyone that you worked with?

"Look I'm not your old partner and maybe she let you get away with this kind of attitude, but if we are gonna work together I expect at least a professional work relationship."

"Don't you dare talk about Ziva," Tony snapped.

Tony was about to go further into his rant. He was going to tell Emily that she would never be able to live up to the expectations that he had for anyone that had the unfortunate problem of trying. But Gibbs appeared out of nowhere and slapped Emily on the back of the head. Emily looked over at Gibbs as she rubbed the back of her head.

"Tony you're with me," Gibbs said not even bothering to answer Emily's questions of why he had slapped her and headed over to the elevator.

"On your six boss," Tony called out as he chased over him.

Emily glanced over at Tim still rubbing the back of her head.

"You'll get used to it Probie," Tim told her.

Gibbs waited until the elevator had traveled a moment before he had used the emergency stop to turn the elevator off. Tony briefly wondered if the building security knew it was Gibbs when it happened because he knew it was part of protocol that they contacted the elevator to make sure everything was ok, but they never did when Gibbs was in the elevator. Gibbs stared at Tony as if he knew exactly what he was feeling. Besides Ziva, Gibbs was the only other person who had been able to see right through him.

"We all miss Ziva," Gibbs finally told Tony.

"I know," Tony admitted.

"Can you at least pretend to be nice to Emily?" Gibbs asked.

"Is that an order?" Tony asked.

"No," Gibbs replied, "But we all have to work together."

Tony knew what Gibbs was trying to say. But that did not mean he had to like it. He wished that Ziva would come back. Even if she never said another word to him again, he would just be happy that she was there. Tony and Gibbs knew they had an understanding so Gibbs turned the elevator back on. It took them back to their floor. From that moment on Tony was impatiently watching the clock. He was waiting for the time where he would be able to go home and get out of the place that had reminded him of Ziva. Not that he wanted to go home either. Lately he had not been sleeping well. He had been having nightmares about someone torturing Ziva. That part was not what had made the dreams nightmares though. What scared Tony was that throughout the dream he never seemed to help Ziva until it was too late and he would wake up just before he helped her.

~~*~~*~~*~~

Tony expertly opened up his front door meanwhile holding a bag of Chinese food and a bottle of soda. Just as he walked through the door he heard his cell phone start to ring. He hurriedly closed the door behind him and rushed into the kitchen to dumb his bag and soda bottle onto his counter. Tony glanced at his caller ID before he flipped open his phone and realized that it was Abby. He thought about ignoring her call for a moment but knew he would feel bad.

"Hey Abby," Tony said into the phone.

"Hey Tony," Abby greeted, "I just wanted to make sure you were ok."

"I'm fine," Tony replied though he was grateful for Abby's concern, "How are you holding up?"

"Oh I'm sure I'll manage," Abby replied.

It was then that Tony noticed that something did not feel right. He noticed that his remote to his TV had been moved from where he had left it. It made him think back to his front door and it occurred to him then that it had been a little too easy for him to get in his apartment with an armful of things. Tony continued his small talk with Abby making it seem as if he had not noticed any of these things. He searched his apartment quietly wondering if whoever had been there was still there. It was not until he had arrived at his bedroom door did he finally see who had broken into his apartment. There was a women sleeping on his bed. She was tucked beneath his blanket and all he could see was her long black hair. Tony quietly told Abby he would call her back later before he headed deeper into his room. It was not until he had circled his bed when he had got a clearer view of her face. His eyes widened in shock as he stared down at her.

"Ziva?" Tony gasped.

Ziva's eyes fluttered open. It was then that it occurred to him that maybe she had not mistrusted him as much as he though she did. He knew that if Ziva did not trust someone that she would not feel comfortable sleeping in their bed even if she had not slept in days. Tony and Ziva started at each other not moving and not saying anything. Tony couldn't help but wonder what had happened and why Ziva was suddenly in his apartment.


	3. Chapter Two

A/N: Special thanks to jaimee01 for reviewing. Hope you enjoy Chapter 2.

Chapter Two

"You must trust and believe in people or your life becomes impossible"

~Anton Checkhov~

Tony was in shock. When he had come home from work the last thing he expected was to find his old partner Ziva David sleeping in his bed. He had not even expected to hear from her anytime soon seeing the last time they saw each other it had not been on good terms. Tony had been under the impression that Ziva had hated him and had not been able to trust him. Yet he had found her asleep in his bed and from years of experience Tony knew that if Ziva did not trust someone the last thing you would find her doing was sleeping around them or alone in the home. Ziva was the first to recover from her shock and had bolted out of the bed mumbling apologies. Ziva's sudden movement caused Tony to take a step back as if he thought she was going to do something.

"Ziva," Tony found himself saying to get her attention away from grabbing her belongings, "What's wrong?"

Ziva cast him a glance as she stopped putting things in her duffle bag. Tony wasn't about to let his dreams come true. He wasn't about to let her walk out the door when he was in the position to help her. He wasn't going to wait until the last second this time.

"Why do you say something is wrong?" Ziva demanded, "I can't make a social visit."

Ziva may have been trained by Mossad to be an excellent liar, but in that moment Tony was able to see through them all.

"You shoved a gun at my chest the last time I saw you," Tony corrected her, "What's the real reason?"

Ziva sighed and sat on the edge of Tony's bag as she abandoned her duffle bag. Tony was not sure if he should sit next to her on the bed or continue standing where he was. Ever since he had met her Tony had always been sure how to act around Ziva. That was one of the reasons he always acted like a complete idiot around her. That was the reason he was always bringing up movie references. Movies were always better than real life. Tony was about to try to get something out of her when Ziva began to speak. He was glad because he would not have known the right thing to say anyway.

"My Father is looking for me, but I cannot be found," Ziva admitted quietly.

"Why is he looking for you?" Tony asked softly.

"He wants me to finish Michael's assignment for him, but I cannot," Ziva replied softly, "Not in my condition anyway."

"What's wrong?" Tony asked, his voice laced with concern for his old partner.

Ziva looked down at the floor as if she were afraid to tell him what was wrong with her. As she remained silent so many possible scenarios flashed through his mind. He thought of so many horrible things that had been inflicted upon her as well as so many illnesses that she could have caught. But what really had happened to her never even crossed his mind. Ziva was silent for what seemed like an eternity to Tony and it was driving him crazy, but he stopped himself from demanding that Ziva tell him what was wrong with her. He did not want to scare her away when she had obviously come to him for help.

"I'm pregnant," Ziva finally said quietly.

Tony did not know if he had heard Ziva correctly, but when she had mumbled it again a little louder he knew he had. Tony was stunned to say the least. All the scenarios that had entered his mind in a short period of time and none of them came close to her actual news. Then everything hit him like a ton of bricks. He had killed the man that had fathered Ziva's child. Tony finally ignored his instinct to stay standing and took a seat next to Ziva on the bed. Ziva did not seem to mind and Tony was very grateful for that.

"What will he do if he finds you?" Tony asked quietly.

"He has ordered me to have an abortion so I may carry out my assignment," Ziva replied angrily, "But I will not do that to my unborn child."

Tony nodded his head in agreement. He tried to push the guilt he was feeling as far back as he could, but a little seeped out into his mind. Tony did not know why she had come to him when she could have easily gone to Gibbs.

"Why me?" Tony suddenly found himself saying, "Last time I checked you didn't trust me."

Ziva shot Tony a glare and Tony quickly shut up. He should have known he would never have gotten an answer out of Ziva. Even when she did trust him she was not the type of person who was able to open up to anyone. Tony decided to drop the question. He was just happy that she had decided he was able to be trusted again.

"I don't know how much help I can be," Tony admitted, "I've never someone from a foreign government before."

"I know," Ziva told him, "I came here because it's the last place my Father would look."

It was then that it dawned on Tony why she was there.

"Because your Father knows that you do not forgive easily," Tony told her, "Are we ever going to work out what happened.

Ziva cast a thoughtful glance over at her old partner Tony. She did not know how to answer his question. She had thought about what had happened between them a lot since she had last seen him. She knew that when he had gone to her apartment it was only because he had been trying to protect her. Ziva stared at Tony and he felt as if she knew exactly what he was thinking.

"You want to call Gibbs don't you?" Ziva asked even though Tony figured she already knew the answer.

"He would know what to do," Tony replied, "But I won't if you don't want me too."

Ziva waved her hand and stared back down at the floor. Tony took that to mean that Ziva did not care. He quickly got up and retrieved his cell phone from the kitchen before coming back. He informed her of the Chinese food he had brought home before dialing the familiar number of Gibbs.

A/N: Okay this is where I end it. Next chapter we'll discover Gibbs reaction and maybe some more TIVA. Hope you enjoyed and please review and feed my addiction to reviews.  Any and all suggestions are welcome.


	4. Chapter Three

A/N: Sorry for the long wait. I know this chapters but I needed for Gibbs to get caught up. I will try to make the next chapter longer.

Chapter Three

It was so quiet in Tony's kitchen as he and Ziva ate the Chinese food that if a pin had dropped they would have heard it. Ever since Tony had called Gibbs about Ziva they hadn't said much to each other. It had taken enough effort to get her to take some of his Chinese food. Besides that Tony wasn't sure what he should say to her. Tony frowned into his food and hoped that Gibbs would get there soon. He hoped he would know how to handle the situation. A knock at the door alerted Tony to the fact that Gibbs was probably there. Tony rose and after glancing at Ziva worriedly he crossed the living room to answer the door. The only reason he hadn't checked the peep hole was he figured that Mossad couldn't have possibly tracked her that fast. When he opened the door he found Gibbs impatiently waiting.

"Where is she?" Gibbs asked without any greeting.

Tony wordlessly pointed over to the kitchen where Ziva sat picking at her Chinese food. Gibbs entered and left Tony standing at the door. Tony closed the door making sure it was securely locked. Not that it could keep someone as trained as Ziva from entering. When Tony entered the kitchen he found that Gibbs was seated at the kitchen table and Ziva was telling him the entire situation. Tony was glad that he wasn't the one that had to tell Gibbs that Ziva was pregnant with Rivkins child.

"What should we do?" Tony asked Gibbs after silence had enveloped them when Ziva had finished her explanation.

"We should talk to Vance about this," Gibbs suggested, "See if he can pull some strings with the higher ups to maybe change Ziva's identity."

"No," Ziva exclaimed.

Tony had noticed that the moment that Gibbs had mentioned Vance her entire body stiffened and her face went blank. The one thing that Tony had been grateful since he had discovered that Ziva was in his apartment was that she hadn't been guarded about what she was feeling or what was going on. But now those defenses were back up and stronger than ever before.

"I really think a change of identity would be good for you Ziva," Gibbs told her as he tried to reassure the enraged Israeli.

"No that's a good idea," Ziva replied, "But Vance and my Father speaks on a daily basis. I've always been suspicious of his intentions and I do not trust him enough for him to know this about me."

"He doesn't have to know about your pregnancy," Gibbs urged.

"But what if Vance tells her Father?" Tony questioned as he too was apprehensive about the true intentions that Vance held.

It was silent for a moment as each of them considered what Tony had pointed out. Tony knew what he said was right. When they had gone to Israel Vance had looked a little too chummy with Director Eli David. Even Tony could see it wasn't the fact that directors need to get along with directors from other countries. He had even had McGee check the Directors phone calls in secret and they seemed to talk a little too much on the phone.

"I could call in a few favors with Fornell," Gibbs sighed, "He owes me after what happened with our last case."

Ziva and Tony nodded knowing that Tobias Fornell, an FBI agent, was more trustworthy then Vance. They would just have to wait until Gibbs was able to get in touch with him to do anything about Ziva.


End file.
